So interesting. I feel like our culture rewards "the most options possible", when really, less can be more. Maybe there is freedom in not having to make quite as many decisions. I really enjoy your writing! Cheers!
Thank you! Less options meaning more freedom is such an interesting inversion of what we're taught to want - and I've found it genuinely true here. The having-been-decided-for-you removing a whole layer of mental overhead that I didn't realize I was carrying. Cheers right back! 🥂
I can relate! The same thing happens in Germany. Once I got a call, just as I landed in London. The man on the other end of the line told me he was at my house to do something —perhaps sweep the chimney?
He was shocked that I was not available… but in what world do you just show up on the middle of a weekday, with no notice, anticipating that someone will certainly be there?!
Ha! Wow, that's next level. The chimney man calling from your doorstep while you were literally on a plane is a level of commitment to the unannounced arrival that I have to respect even while finding it completely unhinged. His shock is the best part. 😂
The tradespeople thing is completely universal to this corner of the world apparently - and the surprising efficiency elsewhere makes up for it in ways you never quite predicted. Spain and France: different countries, same calendar energy. 🌻
Agreed! The wait times in Andalucía were sometimes terrible, and in Madrid the public system kept skipping me when I was pregnant, or sending me to clinics where there was no OBGYN on staff. I still prefer to speak to a person!
Although it's best to be prepared for this to happen, it isn't written in stone (except when it's the Civil Serpents making the arrangement)
Shortly after we moved to a rural area in Brittany, I had need of a doctor. I rang the nearest surgery and explained I wasn't already a patient of theirs.
"Désolée " said the secretary, "le docteur ne peut pas vous voir avant demain matin"
My stunned silence must have concerned her, because she started to ask if it was urgent.....
Tomorrow morning being delivered as a near-apology is such a perfect example of how completely the baseline is different - what France considers fast is what America considers wildly optimistic. The secretary's concerned follow-up about urgency after your silence is the best part. She genuinely thought she'd let you down 😂
This is so interesting, and it does actually make sense in so many ways. I think the biggest one is that, at least in America, we leave no minute unscheduled so if we are going to make an appointment, it usually means rearranging the whole weeks calendar. I’ve always found this *exhausting* and try to avoid it. It sounds like in the French culture, they found the way to avoid all that intellectual load by continuing to assume that everyone has some free time in their week (as we all really should)
The avoiding-intellectual-load point is so right - France outsources the decision by just making it, and the receiver is freed from the negotiation entirely. It works because the assumption underneath it is that time exists. In America we've mostly agreed that it doesn't and everything flows from there.
You clearly haven't navigated the US immigration system! And it's just a letter in the mail: "your USCIS appointment is Nov 15 at 3 PM". God help you if you don't get the letter.
Ha! The USCIS letter is a very good point - America has its own version of this and the stakes are considerably higher than a missing car seat. At least in France you can snack on fresh croissant while you wait 😂🥐
Omg—I just wrote about this experience in Portugal. Was sent an email that I was to be at a government office at a certain place/date/time… but no explanation why. After stressing about it for weeks, planning a trip around it, showing up, and waiting 90 minutes for my appointment, I was informed it was an optional appointment. I didn’t even need to go. 🤦🏼♀️ 🤦🏼♀️ 🤦🏼♀️
OPTIONAL. After weeks of stress and a whole planned trip and ninety minutes of waiting. Portugal really committed to the bit there. I am so sorry and also I cannot stop laughing. 😄
You should come to Egypt 😂. Time is just an idea. No show is happening more often than you can imagine. (See you tomorrow morning) can turn into driving across the city to see them at 8 pm. Cairo traffic is legendary so it's the perfect excuse. I am an Egyptian, born and live here and still don't get it 😂
An Egyptian telling me Egypt makes France look punctual is the most useful piece of scheduling context I have received and I am genuinely grateful for it. Cairo traffic as a universal alibi is also extremely efficient. 😄
It is super annoying for French also…there is a huge lack of physicians all over France and if you want quality medicine and have appointments a bit quicker you are often better off taking the TGV to Paris for a day round trip to be honest…As for tradespeople we also have a shortage of them so they get to have full control over their agenda (and price…..) and over yours. For 30 years now the government has insisted that the “Baccalaureat” (High School Graduation) be given to almost everyone. The result is that the level went down dramatically, the fact of graduating high school has almost no meaning since everyone graduates…and we have less manual people unfortunately because we desperately need them…In France in many cases you make more money being a plumber than being a manager…Living here requires patience 🤣🤗🍾🐓
Thirty years of Baccalauréat policy creating a shortage of the people France now desperately needs - that's such a useful piece of context. We've definitely experienced the physician shortage, at least for dentists, but we've gotten lucky with referrals from friends and such. I've been tempted to just find a dentist in Paris and take the TGV like you said! And yes - patience is the whole qualification required for living here.
How interesting that America doesn't do this! I'm in the UK and you get whatever appointment you get and that's the end. For everything. Yesterday the man coming to pick up my broken car to deliver to the garage rang and announced he'd be there in 10 minutes, wed had no previous contact. He didn't care if that was convenient or not 🤣 I just simply paused what I was doing and he appeared. If I need a Dr's appointment they send you a text with your time, theres no negotiating. You just go. You leave work, you take the kids, no one bats an eyelid.
Nobody batting an eyelid is the detail that gets me - because in America the whole performance of rearranging your schedule and apologizing for existing is so normalized that the absence of it feels almost strange! The ten-minute car man is a perfect example. He just called. You paused. He appeared. Fine. 😄
Portugal. All. Day. We get a text from the medical clinic telling us when to show up for labs, mammograms, appointments, etc. it was rattling at first. But you captured when you said it’s baked in to work life. Of course, it’s an appointment. See you tomorrow.
I love seeing how universally European this is! The Portugal version is exactly this and the "see you tomorrow" casualness sums it up. Once you're in it you stop finding it strange and start finding the alternative strange. The rattling fades, thank goodness.
This was fascinating to read! Being from the northeast, USA, I felt this same shift moving to the south. The slower pace and lack of urgency is something many years later I am still getting used to haha! I love hearing about your new journey in France.
The American internal version of this with the northeast to south shift is such a good point - the pace assumptions run deep and they don't fully reset just because you decided they should. Years later and still adjusting sounds very familiar from the France side. 😄
What a fun vignette of French life Kamille. Loved it and enjoyed a few giggles while eating my breakfast. Loved your comment on emailing under the table. Mindfulness seems to be a new thing in America these days. Maybe the French never lost it.
I love reading your posts! Today, I changed it up. I listened to it, while gazing out of my back slider as I watched a steady SoCal rain! As French as I get today! Thank you!
Listening to it while watching the SoCal rain - that's the most French thing you could do with a California Tuesday! The gazing out the window counting as sufficient activity is exactly the energy 💛
It does bring me back to the book A Year in Provence by Peter Mayle!
One of my favourite books. I keep going back to it almost every summer.
Very true! Wonderful book 📕
Peter Mayle basically wrote the orientation guide for this experience and nobody handed it to us at the airport 😂 Great reference!
So interesting. I feel like our culture rewards "the most options possible", when really, less can be more. Maybe there is freedom in not having to make quite as many decisions. I really enjoy your writing! Cheers!
Thank you! Less options meaning more freedom is such an interesting inversion of what we're taught to want - and I've found it genuinely true here. The having-been-decided-for-you removing a whole layer of mental overhead that I didn't realize I was carrying. Cheers right back! 🥂
I can relate! The same thing happens in Germany. Once I got a call, just as I landed in London. The man on the other end of the line told me he was at my house to do something —perhaps sweep the chimney?
He was shocked that I was not available… but in what world do you just show up on the middle of a weekday, with no notice, anticipating that someone will certainly be there?!
Ha! Wow, that's next level. The chimney man calling from your doorstep while you were literally on a plane is a level of commitment to the unannounced arrival that I have to respect even while finding it completely unhinged. His shock is the best part. 😂
It was absolutely mind-boggling to me!!
Here in Spain, too, there are sometimes things that are way more efficient in surprising ways. It's hard to get tradesmen to come too!
The tradespeople thing is completely universal to this corner of the world apparently - and the surprising efficiency elsewhere makes up for it in ways you never quite predicted. Spain and France: different countries, same calendar energy. 🌻
Agreed! The wait times in Andalucía were sometimes terrible, and in Madrid the public system kept skipping me when I was pregnant, or sending me to clinics where there was no OBGYN on staff. I still prefer to speak to a person!
Although it's best to be prepared for this to happen, it isn't written in stone (except when it's the Civil Serpents making the arrangement)
Shortly after we moved to a rural area in Brittany, I had need of a doctor. I rang the nearest surgery and explained I wasn't already a patient of theirs.
"Désolée " said the secretary, "le docteur ne peut pas vous voir avant demain matin"
My stunned silence must have concerned her, because she started to ask if it was urgent.....
Tomorrow morning being delivered as a near-apology is such a perfect example of how completely the baseline is different - what France considers fast is what America considers wildly optimistic. The secretary's concerned follow-up about urgency after your silence is the best part. She genuinely thought she'd let you down 😂
This is so interesting, and it does actually make sense in so many ways. I think the biggest one is that, at least in America, we leave no minute unscheduled so if we are going to make an appointment, it usually means rearranging the whole weeks calendar. I’ve always found this *exhausting* and try to avoid it. It sounds like in the French culture, they found the way to avoid all that intellectual load by continuing to assume that everyone has some free time in their week (as we all really should)
The avoiding-intellectual-load point is so right - France outsources the decision by just making it, and the receiver is freed from the negotiation entirely. It works because the assumption underneath it is that time exists. In America we've mostly agreed that it doesn't and everything flows from there.
Yes exactly! “and everything flows from there” - isn’t it crazy how something as simple as concept of time and efficiency shapes entire cultures?
The car seat showing up unannounced in the garden while you were at lunch is the most French thing I've ever heard. We're learning ;)
So French! France teaches its lessons at its own pace and on its own schedule, which is very on brand. Still learning too. 😄
You clearly haven't navigated the US immigration system! And it's just a letter in the mail: "your USCIS appointment is Nov 15 at 3 PM". God help you if you don't get the letter.
Ha! The USCIS letter is a very good point - America has its own version of this and the stakes are considerably higher than a missing car seat. At least in France you can snack on fresh croissant while you wait 😂🥐
Omg—I just wrote about this experience in Portugal. Was sent an email that I was to be at a government office at a certain place/date/time… but no explanation why. After stressing about it for weeks, planning a trip around it, showing up, and waiting 90 minutes for my appointment, I was informed it was an optional appointment. I didn’t even need to go. 🤦🏼♀️ 🤦🏼♀️ 🤦🏼♀️
OPTIONAL. After weeks of stress and a whole planned trip and ninety minutes of waiting. Portugal really committed to the bit there. I am so sorry and also I cannot stop laughing. 😄
“Committed to the bit” indeed 🫠
You should come to Egypt 😂. Time is just an idea. No show is happening more often than you can imagine. (See you tomorrow morning) can turn into driving across the city to see them at 8 pm. Cairo traffic is legendary so it's the perfect excuse. I am an Egyptian, born and live here and still don't get it 😂
An Egyptian telling me Egypt makes France look punctual is the most useful piece of scheduling context I have received and I am genuinely grateful for it. Cairo traffic as a universal alibi is also extremely efficient. 😄
It is super annoying for French also…there is a huge lack of physicians all over France and if you want quality medicine and have appointments a bit quicker you are often better off taking the TGV to Paris for a day round trip to be honest…As for tradespeople we also have a shortage of them so they get to have full control over their agenda (and price…..) and over yours. For 30 years now the government has insisted that the “Baccalaureat” (High School Graduation) be given to almost everyone. The result is that the level went down dramatically, the fact of graduating high school has almost no meaning since everyone graduates…and we have less manual people unfortunately because we desperately need them…In France in many cases you make more money being a plumber than being a manager…Living here requires patience 🤣🤗🍾🐓
Thirty years of Baccalauréat policy creating a shortage of the people France now desperately needs - that's such a useful piece of context. We've definitely experienced the physician shortage, at least for dentists, but we've gotten lucky with referrals from friends and such. I've been tempted to just find a dentist in Paris and take the TGV like you said! And yes - patience is the whole qualification required for living here.
How interesting that America doesn't do this! I'm in the UK and you get whatever appointment you get and that's the end. For everything. Yesterday the man coming to pick up my broken car to deliver to the garage rang and announced he'd be there in 10 minutes, wed had no previous contact. He didn't care if that was convenient or not 🤣 I just simply paused what I was doing and he appeared. If I need a Dr's appointment they send you a text with your time, theres no negotiating. You just go. You leave work, you take the kids, no one bats an eyelid.
Nobody batting an eyelid is the detail that gets me - because in America the whole performance of rearranging your schedule and apologizing for existing is so normalized that the absence of it feels almost strange! The ten-minute car man is a perfect example. He just called. You paused. He appeared. Fine. 😄
Portugal. All. Day. We get a text from the medical clinic telling us when to show up for labs, mammograms, appointments, etc. it was rattling at first. But you captured when you said it’s baked in to work life. Of course, it’s an appointment. See you tomorrow.
I love seeing how universally European this is! The Portugal version is exactly this and the "see you tomorrow" casualness sums it up. Once you're in it you stop finding it strange and start finding the alternative strange. The rattling fades, thank goodness.
This was fascinating to read! Being from the northeast, USA, I felt this same shift moving to the south. The slower pace and lack of urgency is something many years later I am still getting used to haha! I love hearing about your new journey in France.
The American internal version of this with the northeast to south shift is such a good point - the pace assumptions run deep and they don't fully reset just because you decided they should. Years later and still adjusting sounds very familiar from the France side. 😄
What a fun vignette of French life Kamille. Loved it and enjoyed a few giggles while eating my breakfast. Loved your comment on emailing under the table. Mindfulness seems to be a new thing in America these days. Maybe the French never lost it.
Thank you so much! Cannot wait to share that table with you both in person again very soon. Love you. 🥰
I love reading your posts! Today, I changed it up. I listened to it, while gazing out of my back slider as I watched a steady SoCal rain! As French as I get today! Thank you!
Listening to it while watching the SoCal rain - that's the most French thing you could do with a California Tuesday! The gazing out the window counting as sufficient activity is exactly the energy 💛